We fought for the right to vote
Only we stopped short
Many are abused, too many!
Enough is enough!
Now is the time to speak up!

On average 182 females were killed every year in Canada.
27 – husband
20 – common-law partner
15 – divorced or separated husband

76% of women sought refuge in shelters across Canada in 2004.

Of those who report the abuse:
70% – experience physical abuse.
50% – experience threats
46% – experience financial abuse
31% – experience harassment
27% – experience sexual abuse.

40% of these women had been in a shelter the previous year.
38% had been there 2-4 times.
10% five times or more!

Emotional abuse IS abuse!

November 25th is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

DON’T be a victim!
Speak out!

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We all know about Sexual Abuse. We all know about Physical Abuse. But, we know very little about Emotional Abuse.

Emotional Abuse occurs when one person emotionally and psychologically abuses another person who is in need of sincere affection. This kind of abuse takes many forms…

Your partner Undermines your self-esteem. He/she delivers mixed messages: “I love you” (I hate you.)

It’s like pushing you through a cliff and running down to catch you.

Your partner can tell you the sweetest things and the most hurtful ones at the same time.

Your partner can also humilliate you by ignoring you.

He/she might contact you only when they are bored or have some spare time, or need something specific from you.

Your partner tells you that he “loves” you, or you are special, but he/she needs an open relationship.

Your partner bluffs making you believe he/she intends to spend time with you, even makes plans that will never happen.

Your partner tells you beautiful things he/she does not really mean at all, and will compensate your tolerance with small tender gifts.

Emotional abuse also occurs through financial dependency. One partner does not let the other be financially independent.

Or through intellectual and manipulative mind games. Abusers tend to play the victim or they take offense quickly.

They invariably put the blame on others, or on the world, or on their luck, or situation.

They accuse their partners of not understanding them, or not understanding their needs, creating a sense of lack of sensitivity on your part.

Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They need to control other people’s lives but will never show it.

They will pretend what you do with your life is none of their business.

Abusers often have several superficial relationships with other people. They escape reality and tend to live in fantasyland.

Abusers may be described as having a dual personality: they can be either charming or exceptionally cruel.

A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. They can be cool, calm, charming and convincing: a true con person.

Most of the time, they also deceive themselves. They are unable or choose not to see reality as is it.

Emotional Abusers do not acknowledge the harm they cause.

Some people abuse others emotionally because that’s what they learned.
They were victims of emotional abuse and neglect themselves.

These abusers can grow out of their abusive pattern and explore healthier ways to relate to others.

Some are aware of what they do and do not intend to change.

But the worse problem about emotional abuse is the fact that many people let others abuse them.

Stop.

Think.

Are you not worthy of a healthy relationship?
Are you not worthy of sincere love and affection?
Are you not worthy of an honest partner?

Don’t let others abuse you.
Turn your back on abuse.
Walk away from abusers.

If you are a victim of emotional abuse, seek help.

You cannot change an abuser, but maybe a professional therapist can.

Quit the game.

Don’t let an emotional abuser put you down.

Some have a hurtful way to create emotional codependency just by telling you exactly the sweet words you are hoping to and need to hear.

Don’t believe their words. Believe their concrete actions.

Does your partner’s words and promises match his/her actions?
Does your partner tell you he/she loves you and you are special but goes on with his life, ignoring you and ignoring your feelings?

You don’t need an abuser in your life.

You deserve someone who will love you and respect you for who you are, not for what they can get from you.

Even if it’s just attention.

Don’t fall for empty promises.
Abusers commit abuse because they know you will always give them another chance.
Don’t do it.

Choose to Love Yourself First.

Category: People & Blogs

Tags: verbal abuse self esteem mistreatment Love Emotional Abuse abusive relationships signs of abuser victim Humility Win Mertens Relationships Couples

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Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you’re worthless and that no one else will want you, you’re less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN
Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don’t obey, there will be violent consequences.
Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.
If you feel you are in physical danger immediately call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224.

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by Kenneth A. Vercammen, Esq.

New Jersey domestic violence laws are very strict. If there are any signs of physical injuries the police must arrest the abuser. Even without independent witnesses and no physical injuries, police may arrest the abuser. Domestic Violence is a crime under the law, and the police must respond to the calls of victims. The police are required to give the victim information about their rights and to help them. Among other things, police must write up a report. For example, O.J. Simpson would not have gotten away with abuse in New Jersey. Police are automatically required to arrest an abuser if they see any evidence of abuse or ault.
Even during the evening, your town Municipal Court or Superior Court can issue a civil restraining order which is a legally enforceable document. The temporary restraining order will prohibit the defendant/abuser from harassing you or entering your residence.
Unlike a criminal case where a person is provided with lengthy due process, and if guilty receives probation and a monetary fine, a domestic violence hearing allows judges to issue far reaching orders. A domestic violence hearing is usually held within only ten (10) days of the filing of an ex parte complaint and temporary restraining order. After a hearing , NJSA 2C:25-29 (b) allows the Chancery Division, Family Part Judge to grant substantial relief to the complainant.

At the hearing the judge of the Family Part of the Chancery Division of the Superior Court may issue an order granting any or all of the following relief:


(1)An order restraining the defendant from subjecting the victim to domestic violence, as defined in this act.


(2)An order granting exclusive possession to the plaintiff of the residence or household regardless of whether the residence or household is jointly or solely owned by the parties or jointly or solely leased by the parties. This order shall not in any manner affect title or interest to any real property held by either party or both jointly. If it is not possible for the victim to remain in the residence, the court may order the defendant to pay the victim’s rent at a residence other than the one previously shared by the parties if the defendant is found to have a duty to support the victim and the victim requires alternative housing.


(3)An order providing for parenting time. The order shall protect the safety and well-being of the plaintiff and minor children and shall specify the place and frequency of parenting time. Parenting time arrangements shall not compromise any other remedy provided by the court by requiring or encouraging contact between the plaintiff and defendant. Orders for parenting time may include a designation of a place of parenting time away from the plaintiff, the participation of a third party, or supervised parenting time.

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My Sources ….

http://christianchildabuse.blogspot.com/2008/10/pervert-boys-brigade-leader-is-jailed.html

http://www.maledicta.com/library/ccabuse.html

http://www.nospank.net/fortune.htm

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