How do i stay calm when my husband harasses me?
January 29, 2010 - 3:17 pm
My husband is a mental abuser and i am leaving him but until i can get my recources together i have to live with his harassment and meaness and threats. How do i keep from losing it? Does anyone have any methods that keeps the mind calm and the heart steady and the soul clear and the stomach from aching in these circumstances? thank you.
If you stop respecting his opinion and see his harassment for what it truly is (insecurity), then you’ll pity him rather than be engaged by him. If all else fails, try to stay out of his way.
January 29th, 2010 at 8:57 pm
Propranalol it’s great!
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January 29th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Avoid him and repeat to yourself:
He doesn`t know any better
He doesn`t know any better
He doesn`t know any better
He doesn`t know any better
He doesn`t know any better
He doesn`t know any better
He doesn`t know any better
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January 29th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
If you stop respecting his opinion and see his harassment for what it truly is (insecurity), then you’ll pity him rather than be engaged by him. If all else fails, try to stay out of his way.
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January 29th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
I just dont listen, i sit and ignore him.
Or i disappear out of sight, i try not to be around him much and keep busy.
I know what its like, some really dont understand how painful it is.
Stay tough
Good luck
xxx
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January 29th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
this is a very hard situation for you, i know cause i went through the same thing. what i did was save as much as i could to get out as fast as possible. if you cant wait ask a friend or a relative to let you stay a spell with them. remember you should be treated with respect and love and if someone cannot give you that you should not be with them. stay safe be careful and
GOD BLESS
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January 29th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
Say to yourself (in your head) everytime he abuses you what a looser, what a idiot, what a Wa*n*er he is. Keep thinking about when you will be free of him imagine what your life is going to be like. Always remember that you are a good person and that you did not deserve any of this.
When you leave, do it without telling him (take the day off work) and move completely out – hire a transit van and a friend. Change your phone number so he cannot contact you. If you need to keep your old number – just get a cheap pay as you go for around £20. Do NOT speak to him every again – only through your lawyers. Change all your bank accounts etc so he cannot bleed you financially dry.
Leave him forever to wallow in his own self pity. My friend is going through a very similar experience, I have watched her go from a fiesty strong nothern girl to a softly spoken, crushed woman because her messed up verbally abusive husband. Be strong – you will be rid of the monster soon.
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January 29th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
There are a lot of resources you can get without the abuse. Go to human resources at the court house and see what services they offer. If you have kids you can put him on child support while still being married to him. There are women homes and groups that can help. If you have to start from the bottom and work your way up, there is food stamps and Medicare…don’t feel like you are at the bottom of the barrel by using these services, thats what they are there for. If its possible, move back in with your family or friends until you get on your feet….You deserve better….wish you well….
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January 30th, 2010 at 12:00 am
Take hold of your life and get protection from him, before he harms you.. if you are getting out of the situtation, Some people probably wouldn’t tell you but talk to God He will help you through it all and Pray that your hubby comes to his sences…..Look back on something that has happened in your life that you thought you could not live through ….and how it turned out…..God is always there…
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self experence..
January 30th, 2010 at 12:08 am
Smiles along with life
walk through life with your head held high
other businesses are their to mind
only your businesses you should reply
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January 30th, 2010 at 12:21 am
Punch him in the throat until you calm down. If he comes at you, hit him with a pipe. No man should be abusive like that.
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January 30th, 2010 at 12:45 am
Why did you marry a man that does this to you? I know,"he didn’t do it till after we got married" Well maybe you’re the reason he acts like this.There’s a lot of safe places for abused women to go. Life is to short to stay in a bad relationship for one day.Harassment and threats are just a day away from getting beat up.
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January 30th, 2010 at 1:18 am
I went through the same thing. In the end I didn’t wait or plan. I just ran out the door with our two children and vowed I would never return. I had only the clothes I was standing in and he made sure I got very little else. Now it is six years on and I have never looked back. Every minute that you put up with that feeling you describe is a minute too long and you don’t know how many of them you have left.
Chances are, if he is a control freak and manipulator he will be spending this time ensuring that you get very little and turning people against you. Of course, I am only speaking from my own experience and know nothing of your situation but I truly recognise the feelings you describe.
I wish you the best of luck whatever happens and there is one thing I can honestly promise you from the bottom of my heart – you will never regret leaving him.
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January 30th, 2010 at 1:30 am
I found the best way for me was to concentrate on the important things. Concentrate on things like where you’ll be living, how you’re going to move, how blissful life will be without him etc.
I was also able to cut my feelings and emotions off where my ex was concerned and I went into auto-pilot when I was around him.
By doing this way you will not rise to his bate and you are in control of how you will react and whether you react at all. Good luck.
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Personal experience
January 30th, 2010 at 1:55 am
i really admire you for readying yourself to leave, you will never look back. I think you somehow have to switch off and distance yourself and create a barrier. You know him for what he is, and you know you are the victim here who won’t be a victim for much longer. when he starts having a go just remind yourself that you’re one step closer to getting out and building a new and fantastic life for yourself. Good for you.
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January 30th, 2010 at 2:35 am
try and ignore him and just remember that you are leaving soon.
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January 30th, 2010 at 2:51 am
i don’t see it being easy to live under those conditions but if you can tune him out.
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January 30th, 2010 at 3:12 am
My heart goes out to you i really feel so very sorry
i am sitting here typing and i am just hoping he is leaving you alone
what can you do that is the question
having a man that bad bet if you stayed out his way he would find something to start on you
i can not say what would help but i would like to say if you ever want to chat please just e mail me
anytime
Respect
shaz
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January 30th, 2010 at 3:54 am
Stay away from him
see a therapist and get support
there are shelters you can go to any couselling centre would have a list
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January 30th, 2010 at 4:40 am
I recommend leaving as soon as you can. I understand that you feel the need to have your resources together, but if you cannot take his abuse anymore GET OUT NOW!
Women have survived leaving an abuser with only the clothes on their backs… and they’ve gone on to have happy lives free from abuse.
The key is to have a stable support system of family and/or friends. Gather all the legal documents you will need; birth certificates, marriage certificates, the title to your car, social security cards, immunization records for any children, copies of tax returns, bank statements, checking account numbers, etc. Have a bag packed and ready to go. Hide it in a place where he can’t find it, but where you can get to it if you need to leave in a hurry. Try to keep gas in your car so that you can get far away if needed. Stash away as much money as you can before you leave and never let him know you have it. Abusers are famous for not paying child and spousal support.
Please think about leaving as soon as you can. Many women wait and wait for when they *think* it will be the *right* time for them to leave – but they are only delaying their own right to happiness. There is never a *right* time to leave an abuser, except as soon as possible.
You can be free from abuse and have the happy life you desire and deserve. Please enroll in counseling, or a support group. This will help you to not repeat this relationship with another man. It takes years to overcome being abused, but you can do it. It is worth all the work it will take! I promise.
I wish you lots of luck!
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January 30th, 2010 at 5:23 am
hi i am going though the same as you and iam also going through bullying at work some days ifeel i am losing it its very hard i know just think back to placies and things that when wright and try and get back to them thats want ime going to do
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January 30th, 2010 at 6:05 am
all you can do is think long and hard about how your life is going to improve when he is out of the way, in your mind keep planning the improvements, even work out how these improvements will come about, then think of how bad it could be if you do ‘lose it’. i believe that you should not be hanging around waiting for the resources, i believe that for the sake of your sanity you should get out now. take care and good luck.
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January 30th, 2010 at 6:55 am
I think you should pray. God will be right besides you. Every time you feel like that pray. You will feel more relax. If you are getting very hurt by it,i think you should go to the police. Maybe they can get you out of the home as fast as possible. Please keep your head up. I promise everything will be okay. Just remember god. <3 Lots of love and peace your way.
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January 30th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I was ‘getting my resources together’ for years until I admitted I used it as an excuse to stay in an abusive marriage, finally enough was enough – after 9 years. If you believe you have to stay then avoid being alone with him, even if it means sitting in the bedroom reading a book or magazine, if you can’t avoid him or don’t feel strong enough try to think positive and focus on you and your needs. If you lose it you may tell him lots of things you hate about him, which could provoke him. Just take deep breaths and tell yourself you are the better person, good, kind and accepting. When you finally leave, don’t go back for anything. If there’s children involved get help from a domestic violence unit regardless of whether he’s ever hit you. Mental abuse infringes your human rights so report him! Even get recordings of things he says for the divorce etc, it all helps especially when it’s your word against his. Please keep safe. Good luck for your wonderful future without this horrible, horrible man in it.
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