AbusersAnon.com – A help centre for domestic abusers

My husband is a mental abuser and i am leaving him but until i can get my recources together i have to live with his harassment and meaness and threats. How do i keep from losing it? Does anyone have any methods that keeps the mind calm and the heart steady and the soul clear and the stomach from aching in these circumstances? thank you.

If you stop respecting his opinion and see his harassment for what it truly is (insecurity), then you’ll pity him rather than be engaged by him. If all else fails, try to stay out of his way.

They interveiwed a phsycologist. He said that these people cannot basically comprehend the effects that their actions will have on their victims. And that the only person they can focus on is themselves. Is that the case with most psycologically disturbed people ?(eg. mental abusers.)
have been on receiving end of mental and physical abuse.

i disagree

they know the effect that their actions are going to have on people, but their own "needs" overide other peoples suffering, they might know what theyre doing is wrong, but in their heads the need for it is so strong that other peoples suffering and feelings dont compair in their heads.
i just think they see things, and think about things in a compleatly different way to everyone else. thats how they justify it, because their ideas of the world are warped from our point of view, but in their minds their actions are compleatly justified?

CHAPTER 123. MENTAL HEALTH

Chapter 123: Section 35. Commitment of alcoholics or substance abusers

I know this exists in Massechusetts, but I am wondering if there is such a law like this that exists in california?

I know of no similar law in California. California permits the involuntary commitment only of those who have mental illness which results in their being dangerous or gravely disabled (which means unable to obtain the necessities of life; food, clothing, shelter). In some cases, those with communicable illnesses who will not follow a treatment regimen can be involuntarily committed as well. But I know of nothing which would permit the commitment of a person just for being an alcoholic or drug addict.

I was just wondering whether the people who have mental illnesses are also more likely to be substance abusers.

According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, approximately 50% of the people with severe mental illnesses are also ridden with substance abuse disorder. 37% of alcohol abusers and 53% of drug abusers also have at least one serious mental problem. Among all these people diagnosed as mentally ill, 29% abuse either drugs or alcohol. In addition, the Epidemiologic Catchment Area survey found out that individuals having sever mental disorders were at risk for having substance abuse disorder in their lifetime. It also showed that 47 percent of individuals with schizophrenia also had a substance abuse disorder (more than four times as likely as the general population) and 61 percent of individuals with bipolar disorder also had a substance abuse disorder (more than five times as likely as the general population).

And what were the emotional and mental effects soon after leaving the abuser? How long did it take to heal and believe/trust another man again?

There is no set time. I would say after 6 months-but I’m not you. Everybody is different, everybody grieves differently and deals differently.

Ever since my brother was young, he has made weird eye movements. I notice that when he is talking and facing toward me, his eyes are fixed extreme left or right. I feel like when his eyes are like this he is using manipulation or creating lies. He has major mental issues, been diagnosed with numerous conditions such as ADD, ADHD, bi-polar, and depression. His personality is manipulative, habitual liar, angry, emotional/physical abuser, suicidal, I could go on and on. Are these eye movements related to a mental illness?

YES!

I use to know of two highly affective treatment centers for self abusers, both have closed; not sure why. I am looking on behalf of a woman I recently meant through her bishop, to find her a treatment center that is for adults. That deals with self abuse beyond just cutting. She is a cutter, she burns, she’s done it all. She will never get the help she needs here in Ogden Utah, at any hospital. I have seen 70 people personally die from self abuse & anorexia her in our area. Her bishop is willing to pay for treatment if it is specialize & can prove it works. Also, we are looking for a therapist not connected to McKay Dee Hospital in Ogden, Utah & not out of the Weber County Mental Health, as both are where I’ve seen many get nothing but drugs & the treatment they offer self abusers isn’t effective. I have helped many but this woman needs at least one month of intense inpatient help & is willing to go inpatient, only in a specialized setting.
Please don’t give me a list. I only want to hear from those who have been in successful inpatient treatment or has a loved one or friend who has & it gave them the help they needed to stop their self abuse. Drugs have done nothing to help her stop. She needs a place that will help her do memory work, that will teach skils for better coping.
Once out, we need to find a therapist who is patient, supportive &doesn’t use committments & drugs to control people. We need this to be someone in Ogden, Riverdale, Roy, Bountiful, Layton, Brigham or near by areas to Ogden. A therapist who has had success with treating self abusers, people with drug &alcohol problems in their past. Someone who will see her for reduced rates. Someone who is a psychologist in private practice not connected to McKay Dee hospital or it’s behavioral health unit outside the hospital or the county mental health center. Someone with proven success in this area as they will be checked out by us.
If you leave an answer would you please post the name of the treatment center, it’s address if you know it & if you don’t know the address, the state & city where it is located. The name of a contact there that I can speak to about the center & a phone number if you have it. All this would be on a copy of a bill from the treatment center.

If you are answering about a good therapists in the Ogden or surrounding area, not connected to McKay Dee or the County Mental Health Center, can you give me the name & phone number &why you are recommending them if you can.

Also, if you can share if you are willing, about why the treatment center helped, what was good about it, any concernes you had about it. Same for why you would recommend a specific therapist.

Thank you for any reverals you can offer.

Please share my question with others, so they can reply if they know of positive treatment centers anywhere in the US and/or therapists in the areas of Utah mentioned above.

I suffered from self abuse for quite some time..no meds can help..its very hard, soul searching work…i went to an inpatient program which put me on the right track..when i left the 1 month program i had stopped 95% of my self abuse..then within the next few months stopped completely..this is the only program that i know of that people are treated with the utmost respect…i can give you the name of the book it is based off of..its called "bodily harm" by Drs, Karen Conterio and Wendy Lader..i worked with both of them…again, you have to be ready to stop and the work you do is emotionally draining..being with others though who have experienced these feelings of why we use self abuse was helpful..the inpatient clinic used to be here in Chicago but now is located in UBH (University Behavioral Health) 2026 W. University Dr.
Denton Texas 76201 and is called S.A.F.E…(self abuse finally ends)…http://www.selfinjury.com/ if you go to their web site, in the referal area..it lists therapists in your area that specialize in treating ppl who self abuse but please..if possible, get her to the program…it will be the hardest thing she has ever had to face but, if she is honest with herself, she will make it…

I think the song "way down the line" by offspring is a perfect song that describes the patterns of abuse.

Nothing changes cause it’s all the same
The world you get’s the one you give away
It all just happens again
Way down the line
There is a chain that’s never broken
You know the story it’s sad but true
An angry man gets drunk and beats his kids
The same old way his drunken father did
What comes around well it goes around

Or do u feel it is quite natural??Do u feel that such a personal may become a child abuser or a rapist in the future??

People that think that masturbation and porn are wrong are the ones that are insane, not you.

And what were the emotional and mental effects soon after leaving the abuser? How long did it take to heal and believe/trust another man again?

To date someone else was about 1 year I wanted to be alone as far as living by myself had a few dates such as a party type or with some friends never alone 1on 1.

My mental and emotional feelings @ the time was every man was a loser, a cheater, a drunk, a abuser of drugs and used women for their beating bags or to put down with each breath they took in the presents of a female.I hated this person wanted to kill his entire family all @ the same time if any or all came near me.

To heal takes time for some years others months some days,weeks for me several months once I knew this person was out of my life and away from me and NEVER to be seen again I started to relax and start to live MY life again Got a job never had with the person had my own money and could do as I wanted .Felt so Good Too.Took around 1 year for me to really date and find happiness but did and now have a wonderful hubby for 7 yrs now and NO abuse what so ever….