What is the definition of a good man?
I think my Dad is a pretty great one. He has always been supportive and loving and I am his stepdaughter technically, but he married my mom when I was 2 so he is the only Daddy in the world to me. He is a real man to me and I wish I could have found and married one like him. I married an emotional abuser at age 20 to which I am still married to 11 years later and in counseling.
Your dad sounds like a good example of what a man should be, not just for his wife but also his family and friends.
Getting married at 20 is very young and you’re most likely to be stuck to some one who you don’t really know that well. Your parents may or may not know what you’re going thru, but I would suggest having a heart to heart talk with them and tell them your experience so far, and look into getting a divorce. I am Catholic and don’t advocate divorce, but there are times when it is necessary for your own health and safety. It is not the easiest thing to do, emotionally and financially, but ask yourself if you want to spend another 11 years or more suffering more of the same that you have suffered over the last 11 years. I don’t think your husband will change any time soon as he has had 11 years to do it and no matter what he says during the counselling session, he will continue to be the way he is because he knows you will put up with the abuse. After all, if you have put up with it for the last 11 years, why would he need to change? He may even see it as your problem and not his.
Talk to your family if you are close to them, or a very close friend and ask them for their support if you do decide to divorce your husband. You will need them to keep motivating you and reminding you why you want to change your life. You are still young and have plenty of time to look for someone who will treat you with respect and love. Take your time to get back on your feet and learn to love and respect yourself again and you will see that others will also respect you.
It’s not an easy decision and the road ahead will be unknown and at times difficult, but if you have lived thru the last 11 years, you can live and rise above anything in the future. I wish you the best.
October 25th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Why are you still married?
Leave him and build a new life.
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October 25th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
lol, maybe freud was right… the electra complex
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October 25th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
honest, faithful, kind, empathic, generous, supportive
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lack of a good man
October 25th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Why do women always run back to their abusers? Why do you think so little of yourself? Does it have to 11 years to realize that he’s abusing you? When a man is set in his ways, he’ll never change. Take it from a man. The mistake most women make is thinking they can change a man. He abuses because you allow him to.
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October 25th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
You probably found someone like your real dad instead.
Thats b.s. You just got to stand up and be proud. Move on and be happy.
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October 25th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
man who lives a daily walk with Jesus, one who can be relied upon and doesn’t lie, has integrity.
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October 25th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Yes your dad is fantastic, there’s no doubt about that. Girls, when they have had a good dad usually look for the same qualities in the man they choose. Your emotional abuser husband is a monster that wont change, no matter who gets counselling. When you love someone, you deserve and need that love to be returned in at the least, volumes, if you don’t, you have to, in love of course do something to make that person change for the better.
I have yet to see/hear of an emotional or any other type of abuser change totally from their sadistic behaviour, I hope he is the one in counselling, you don’t need it. Oh they will counsel you alright, to keep themselves in a job, but have they told you this. Pack up your things and go, do it when he is not there, get someone to help you.
You should have gone when you recognised the first signs of the abuse and I’m sure your Dad would have told you the same thing.
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October 25th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Your dad sounds like a good example of what a man should be, not just for his wife but also his family and friends.
Getting married at 20 is very young and you’re most likely to be stuck to some one who you don’t really know that well. Your parents may or may not know what you’re going thru, but I would suggest having a heart to heart talk with them and tell them your experience so far, and look into getting a divorce. I am Catholic and don’t advocate divorce, but there are times when it is necessary for your own health and safety. It is not the easiest thing to do, emotionally and financially, but ask yourself if you want to spend another 11 years or more suffering more of the same that you have suffered over the last 11 years. I don’t think your husband will change any time soon as he has had 11 years to do it and no matter what he says during the counselling session, he will continue to be the way he is because he knows you will put up with the abuse. After all, if you have put up with it for the last 11 years, why would he need to change? He may even see it as your problem and not his.
Talk to your family if you are close to them, or a very close friend and ask them for their support if you do decide to divorce your husband. You will need them to keep motivating you and reminding you why you want to change your life. You are still young and have plenty of time to look for someone who will treat you with respect and love. Take your time to get back on your feet and learn to love and respect yourself again and you will see that others will also respect you.
It’s not an easy decision and the road ahead will be unknown and at times difficult, but if you have lived thru the last 11 years, you can live and rise above anything in the future. I wish you the best.
References :