How does someone become an emotional abuser? my boyfriend is without a doubt an emotional abuser. and why!?!?
August 31, 2009 - 4:40 pm
he is an emotional abuser. i have been reseraching it and he has all tehcharaterisics, and reactions. i found a "cycle of abuse" and its him!!! he isnt like this all the time, but he is!!!!!!! Anyone familar with this topic, or if you are an emotional abuser or were, can you get help? i have walked away from the relationship last week. he makes me feel everything is my fault. please answer someone. thank you.
2 words gal ….. DUMP HIM !!!
nothing more, nothing less, just get rid of him before he takes over your life. He lacks confidence and he uses you as his "punching bag " !
You deserve better. Think of yourself, give yrself priority ! he is not worth the aggreviation, get out and run…. the other way !
August 31st, 2009 at 9:50 pm
2 words gal ….. DUMP HIM !!!
nothing more, nothing less, just get rid of him before he takes over your life. He lacks confidence and he uses you as his "punching bag " !
You deserve better. Think of yourself, give yrself priority ! he is not worth the aggreviation, get out and run…. the other way !
References :
August 31st, 2009 at 10:04 pm
You just answered your own question. You ended the relationship. Now he feels like your the one to blame. Just keep away. FAR away from this guy. He gives men a bad name. I’m glad you left and are going to continue on. Trust me he will persist and try to contact you no matter what. It’s just a way to vent off all his anger he has inside. Let him direct his anger in therapy. He needs it. And as soon as he finds out that your with someone else he will either spontaneously combust or move on with his life. You did the right thing. Good Luck!
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August 31st, 2009 at 10:40 pm
You have to understand that when dealing with abusers everything is about them, they want attention, good and bad.
They prefer mostly bad attention, they enjoy the negativity that comes with it, they like to be left alone and not bothered, but that’s not towards everyone, they could be the nicest person to someone else. It’s like they have a certain list of people in their mind that just bugs them, and they enjoy hurting them, by ignoring them, or just being verbally abusive, and being negative about everything they do.
They feel good when they over power someone with their mind, they can’t let go of past hurts and they’re never wrong.
They don’t think things though because they don’t care about anyone else enough, just as long as they’re okay, that’s all that matters. They enjoy giving off this certain image of themselves that tells people to back off….it’s all very confusing but believe me it’s the truth…..
You should understand that they don’t think like everyone, is there any history of abuse in his life? Maybe you can find out and begin putting things together, he doesn’t act that way for no reason. Any drug history? What about his parents?
I hope you can straighten this out and he gets well.
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August 31st, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Emotional abuse refers to a long-term situation in which one person uses his or her power or influence to adversely affect the mental well-being of another. Emotional abuse can appear in a variety of forms, including rejection, isolation, exploitation, and terror.
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Everyone occasionally experiences a failure in the normal automatic integration of memories, perceptions, identity, and consciousness. For example, a person may drive somewhere and then realize that he does not remember many aspects of the drive because of preoccupation with personal concerns, a program on the radio, or conversation with a passenger. Typically, such a failure, referred to as dissociation, does not disrupt everyday activities.
People with a dissociative disorder may totally forget a series of normal behaviors occupying minutes or hours and may sense missing a period of time in their experience. Dissociation thus disrupts the continuity of self and the recollection of life events; when memory is poorly integrated, dissociative amnesia is present. When identity is fragmented along with memory, dissociative fugue or dissociative identity disorder is present. When the experience and perception of self are disrupted, depersonalization disorder is present.
Dissociative disorders are usually attributed to overwhelming stress. Such stress may be generated by traumatic events or by intolerable inner conflict.
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Domestic violence (sometimes referred to as domestic abuse) occurs when a family member, partner or ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically dominate or harm the other. The term "intimate partner violence" (IPV) is often used synonymously, other terms have included "wife beating", "wife battering", "man beating", "husband battering", "relationship violence", "domestic abuse", "spousal abuse", and "family violence" with some legal jurisdictions having specific definitions.
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Psychological abuse refers to the humiliation or intimidation of another person, but is also used to refer to the long-term effects of emotional shock.
Psychological abuse can take the form of physical intimidation, controlling through scare tactics and oppression. It is often associated with situations of power imbalance, such perhaps as the situations of abusive relationships and child abuse; however, it can also take place on larger scales, such as Group psychological abuse, racial oppression and bigotry. A more "mild" case might be that of workplace abuse. Workplace abuse is a large cause of workplace-related stress, which in turn is a strong cause of illness, both physical and mental.
There need not be an agitator for psychological abuse to occur — one can undergo self-abuse, as in the case of someone who is a depressive, or self-mutilation.
Any situation in which the repeated and extreme impact of a situation affects a person’s emotional and rational thinking, in such a way as to adversely impact their later lives, could be termed as psychological abuse at some level.
Psychotherapy and psychiatric methods can help some people overcome the negative effects of abuse, given time and a healing environment.
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The excerpts above are from the sources listed below in respective order. There are often organizations in communities to enable those sufferring from abusive situations a "safe place" to go until treatment or better arrangements are effected. Telephone your local law enforcement agency (police or sheriff’s office) to ask if a "Shelter" has been established in your area.
Get well by getting help for him or yourself soon.
References :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_abuse
http://www.merck.com/mmpe/sec15/ch197/ch197a.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse
August 31st, 2009 at 11:58 pm
My ex was an emotional abuser and I unfortunately had fallen for him which made it harder to break up. It started to get to the point where he made me start to hate all the things that I liked about myself. Usually an emotional abuser was placed in a situation in the past where they didnt have control and they were hurt. In the case of my ex it was the break up of his parents and also when his ex-wife cheated on him. I felt on several occasions that he was taking his anger for her out on me. Through emotional abuse they feel like they have control and that they have the high ground where they cannot get hurt. Fact is they already are hurting and they will abuse continually until that pain goes away. In most cases it wont unless therapy is involved. Im sorry you are going through this but you need to free yourself. Ofcourse he would want you to feel that it was your fault he would not be able to take responsiblity. The further you are from the relationship the more clear things will be.
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September 1st, 2009 at 12:07 am
OH yes join the club
I have faced it. This guy i broke up second time today used to make me feel bad about myself…Got to the point that i became anorexic and bulimic . He made me hate my best friends a point came when i was left with no friend absolutely alone . He made me feel bad about my grades and gpa though he used to get less than me…can u believe that… However good i will dress up and really look great he would me tell me i look DISGUSTING …and i need to change and redo makeup…He controlled me dominated me i lived life on his terms …and worst part was i went back to him and got hit but now i swear i wont EVER
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September 1st, 2009 at 12:14 am
i was married to one for 18 years, he has left me mentally scarred and still in councilling, he left 5 yrs ago after i caught him having an affair,,im tellin u, escape now, go and keep going. dont be treat like dirt, there are good men out there who wont abuse u.i know that sometimes they are nice,, dont be fooled its a master plan to rock ur confidence. eventually u will have no self esteem,pride or anything, leave him.
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September 1st, 2009 at 12:55 am
Dump him & move the fuck on. He was obviously raised that way & you could do much better. If you think that you won’t, trust me you will. There’s billions of people & I know there’s someone out there who will treat you right.
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September 1st, 2009 at 1:24 am
My step father was this way when he wanted to be in control and have others below him. I guess it was how I made his world safe. I watched his son, my half brother grow up learning to deal with things the same way.
He tends to control people in manipulative ways.
It works for him some times because he is charismatic, but people get sick of it because it is draining.
I have been this way without even realizing what I was doing to others who I actually cared alot for… Things they did, I perceived to be threatening.
Well. I have learned to act differently.
I have changed many of my belief systems which I originally learned in the household of my step dad.
I remember hearing the words "cocky, arrogant, and blunt" very often in desribing me, usually in a negative connotation.
I actually wanted to help others and believed so strongly that I saw where they were causing the problems they didnt want to have. I arrogantly sought to change their lives for their good.
Inside I wanted someone to change my life in such ways, because this is how I was taught growing up.
I prefer to be told like it is. Honesty gives me comfort. I can deal with things when I know exactly what they are.
I cannot deal with people hiding behind fronts and false faces.
I will draw out true emotion when I sense it.
I have come to understand my own faults and I actively seek to better myself. I am with someone who is very understanding and loving. I do not treat her badly, though sometimes I say words that I do not realize are being taken as hurtful. I wish she could just tell me that Im being hurtful rather than get all quiet and defensive.
Sometimes I don’t catch on as fast as I would like to.
Most times I can be in control of myself and choose who I want to be and how I want to act.
I hope this is helpful.
you can IM me on the matter if you want further dialogue.
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