EMOTIONAL ABUSERS…DO THEY REALLY CHANGE?
My boyfriend is an emotional abuser. In the past 2 years he has ignored me(and my feelings), I would touch him sometimes with no response, when I speak he would wrinkle up his nose and have disgust in his voice, he yells alot over things such as the laundry not done quite like he likes, i’ve seen road rage, and just recently i looked in computer history and he had made a new e-mail address that I wasn’t aware of. I confronted him, he lied. I made him open it in front of me, nothing there, but I’m sure he was PLANNING on using for something…….Now he is being really nice(a different person) for like the past 2 weeks). Can someone like this change without professional help??
No, this is part of the emotional abuse. An expert emotional abuser will do things like this to keep you hanging on in there. Here’s a good example: think of the kid who never gets anything from their parents. Then on Christmas Day, they see a huge box with their name on it under the tree and get excited (therefore happy). As they unwrap, they discover more and more boxes (kind of like Russian dolls) until they unwrap the last one. Inside, they find a lump of coal.
Emotional abusers do a more complex version of this. They get your hopes up to keep you interested, and then come right back with the bad old days just when you’ve been weakened by their "good side". It also provides you with a false sense of hope because you forever wait for that "golden moment" when they showed that they are in fact, a caring human being. It makes you forget that the majority of their treatment of you consists of sadness and pain. I would watch out. To sound less depressing, *sometimes* people do change, but this is extremely rare. However, because of this slight possibiity, I would wait and see what happens next, and take full advantage of this nice period while you still can. If he should turn back to how he was before, leave him before you lose yourself in this relationship!
January 27th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
dont know
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January 27th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
nope.
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http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=An4NYFIVi8JkDHTKfTvZXVzsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100120193524AAcI0eA
January 27th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
I think he might be hiding something from you and is acting different, better, to keep you from becoming suspicious… Irony here, hm? Well, that’s my little notion. I bet he’ll bi-youknowwhatlol about something soon like usual… Maybe you could consult a professional yourself?
Edit: If he really did change for reals without professional help… I would see a professional!! Because, that isn’t quite normal, I think… Somewhat of a sudden change… you know?
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Answer mine? It’s long sorry
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100120194340AAk9vZn
January 27th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
To put it bluntly, no. Especially not without professional help. I am currently going thru counselling with my bf of 5 yrs who is both physically & emotionally abusive & its been very hard, as it will continue to be.
If you are not completely invested in this relationship & he is not willing to get help, leave. It’s not worth your sanity.
Answer mine?
http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjLJmSgNEp44Rk7ssckDBAXg5gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20100120164600AAWvaHg
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January 27th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
All I can say is that things will not get better. People who are emotionally distant and abusive like that damage us beyond repair. If he wants to fix himself he must do that on his own. But believe me it won’t just happen one day. You had better decide now if this is how you want the rest of your life to be.
I’m sorry to be blunt but it is the truth. The sooner you understand, the better. You are in over your head.
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First-hand experience with an abuser.
January 27th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
You’re getting warning signs that you’re not listening too completely. I think that you are starting to see the light though. You deserve better than this. Leave while you can. It will only get worse. Get some help. This could get ugly when you leave though. Please be careful.
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January 27th, 2010 at 5:45 pm
No, this is part of the emotional abuse. An expert emotional abuser will do things like this to keep you hanging on in there. Here’s a good example: think of the kid who never gets anything from their parents. Then on Christmas Day, they see a huge box with their name on it under the tree and get excited (therefore happy). As they unwrap, they discover more and more boxes (kind of like Russian dolls) until they unwrap the last one. Inside, they find a lump of coal.
Emotional abusers do a more complex version of this. They get your hopes up to keep you interested, and then come right back with the bad old days just when you’ve been weakened by their "good side". It also provides you with a false sense of hope because you forever wait for that "golden moment" when they showed that they are in fact, a caring human being. It makes you forget that the majority of their treatment of you consists of sadness and pain. I would watch out. To sound less depressing, *sometimes* people do change, but this is extremely rare. However, because of this slight possibiity, I would wait and see what happens next, and take full advantage of this nice period while you still can. If he should turn back to how he was before, leave him before you lose yourself in this relationship!
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I’ve been there
January 27th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
no they won’t just change like that. My guess is that since you caught his new email address he is trying to get oin your good side so you wont keep bringing it up. good luck
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January 27th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
I don’t think you should stick around to wait and see if he changes. I was emotionally abused too…I cried a lot…and I never felt more pain when I was with a guy, ever…then I broke it off…he cake back and was really nice and good to me again..but see that was a trick, so I would think he has change and I would take him back…like your guy is doing…possibly..he just wants you to stick around. Bu eventually I think they all go back to their old ways.
Good luck (:
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