AbusersAnon.com – A help centre for domestic abusers

I am separated from my verbal abusive husband of 20 years. He sent me a text which said "Die Bitch". I didn’t think must about it, but I showed it to my family and they freaked out. They want me to show it to a judge and get a restraining order. He was never a physical abuser. What do you think I should do?

Take family serious, & most of all take him serious, just cause he was verbally abusive, doesn’t mean, he can’t turn for the worse, Take Care

I’m not asking because I think my boyfriend’s an abuser; I’m asking because he MIGHT be one.
He never harmed me, but he’s very physical to others. Once he pushed my brother, who cried (although, my brother never liked him because I spend more time with him). My mother dislikes him greatly now. We’ve argued, but he never hurt me or made any move to hurt me, and he has always been very gentle around me. I’ve never noticed any spikes in his emotions or behavior, even when he gets upset or excited.
I am 99.9% sure he gets it from his mother. I’ve lived around his mother and she is a very unpleasant woman who is very, very physical. Also, he’s lived alone with is mother for over 6 years. She is very mean and rude as well, but I’ve never seen any of that in him.
However… (insert additional comment)…
He has hit his mother before, however (twice), which is a fact my family will not let go of. It is because she will advance on him screaming and lashing about and then smack him and he would whip around and smack her out of reflex (that’s what it looked like to me, and it’s what the police officer assumed as well).
I could not find any other case quite as similar as this one. Normally, abusers get the rep as someone who can’t control themselves or are emotional deviants, but as far as I know, that doesn’t define him at all.
In case you’re wondering, I am 18 and he is 19 and we have been dating for 7 months, but my mother still thinks that I’m going to rush home one day crying through a couple of black eyes…

Yes a physical abuser can change, but only if the really, really want to.

I agree that it’s hard to tell if your boyfriend is an abuser or not, it’s hard to tell if his habits are copied from home, or if they are something that comes from within himself.

Another way you can ascertain whether he is abusive or not is to listen carefelly to the way he talks about women in general, even if he makes ‘jokes’ sometimes they can be laced with malice. Also have a listen to how he talks about his ex-girlfriends, that will also give you a good clue.

It may very well be his mother is just getting her comeuppance, but it still doesn’t hurt to be vigilent, and have a plan B ready in case he does eventually turn his anger onto you.

With best wishes, Penny xxx

How do neighbours get rid of nuisance who is a child abuser[physical, his own children not allowed near him,] moved in with woman,[ now had her own children removed] … Housing association tenant!..HELP US!
We are housing association tenants!

Get in touch with the housing association and most importantly keep a record of ANYTHING that goes on there (e.g. noise, fighting, etc)
The housing association can’t do anything unless they are given a record of the problems

They can leave but they go back to the guy time and time again. I’ve never heard an explanation from a psychological standpoint before. Why is it that many women go back to abusers?

Abusive relationships are not just about the violence- there is usually a whole lot of psychological abuse that accompanies it, of a type that makes the women (or men- it’s not always women as the victims of such abuse) feel that it was/is their fault, that if they only had done X, they wouldn’t have needed such punishment. They are dependent on them, and feel like having someone, even someone who abuses them, is better than nothing. And after a while, it becomes something normal, something expected, almost, where they are able to justify it even more in their minds.

It’s a hard, hard thing to leave an abuser.

I m mean physical and/or verbal emotional?
I know some do know that they are abusive, especially the physical…but the verbally abusive ones dont seem to realize that they are the ones who are wrong??

I was verbally and phiscally abused and my boyfriend had what they call blind rage. That means they have their fits and when their done they don’t remember it, something like a black out and its for real. But I think that when they are mentally abusive they know it and just don’t care, especially if you let them get away with it.

Fellowship United Methodist Church – Vallejo, CA

This is the story of two teenagers dealing with problems in their lives. The first teenager results to abusing his body as a way to release his pain, while the second results to using substances such as drugs and alcohol to release her pain. Throughout the performance, the guardian angels (everyone wearing a blue shirt that says “Fellowship UMC”) try to help the teenagers find God, while demons (everyone wearing a red shirt) try to pull them away from God. Enjoy! & please comment any of your thoughts!

Main Characters:
Physical Abuser – Chris Duncil
Substance Abuser – Michelle DelRosario

Guardian Angels:
Bien Ancheta, Abigail DelRosario, Ian Duncil, Neil Castrillo, Michelle DelRosario, Nicole Ladines

Demons:
Noah Ancheta, Bien Ancheta, Nicole Ladines

Extras:
Nathan Cancio

choreographed by Chris Duncil

Duration : 0:3:13

(more…)

i am referring to both physical and sexual abuse and also murder

firstly they should be stripped of all parental rights (if they have any) and then they should be sterilized like cats and dogs to prevent them having (any more) children. then the public should get to decide whether they get life in solitary confinment or the death penalty.

Ever tried Forgive Affirmed Spirit? I realize that Jesus did not teach this, but……have you ever tried it to see if it works?

Life does not always seem FAIR!
Hi! I am a Forgive Affirmed Spirit and this is what I profess and try to act like.

Forgive Affirmed Spirit is the belief in a way of life that is a method of grief resolution and functional communication processing involving active listenning, sympathy, empathy and affirmation of shock, denial, anger, guilt, depression, loneliness and hope…a kind of ego-equilibrium seeking methodology.

A Greater Works of communication and action, a way to learn to love your enemies "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you AS IF YOU WERE THEM!"

And nobody is perfect! NOBODY! We are all judgeable, hopefully in a graceful discerning way! We are all doing our best every moment!

Humans judge everything as we are a part of it. Without difference, we have nothing to live for, nothing to witness. Sin is difference, the relative seriousness with regards to law and survival of other beings, is punishable by the courts. The best way to judge is with as much graceful discernment as one can muster in a given moment!

Life is the question(uncertainty) asked by the exhaling infinitely compacted imagination invention, or no thing, which is completely certain of everything, completely omniscient or all knowing.

When I die, I believe I will be in a new state, aware of all that is and yet divided into the nature of dust that I am in, whereupon my dust shall fall. My being will remain an infinite part of an infinite being and infinite knowledge without my material human being status of now. So there will be a change.

But my soul, my passions and discompassions, will move on to infinite places of comfort and challenge. Able to return to this state of uncertainty and free choice illusion for another ride when it is called effectively to do so.

So that the children of God, the creations of God, .. are actually part in parcel of that God or Creation Energy!

This life is a roller coaster ride. Enjoy your passion within it and whatever gathering of two or more in Forgive Affirmed Spirit to make it better can garner.

Healing be unto you and yours and me and mine in
Forgive Affirmed Spirit
It is so obvious to me, that either I do not belong on this earth, that I truly am not of this world, that this world is filled with people who are not ready to learn a new way of thinking, that most are stuck on hurting others to stop them from hurting you ….and cannot fathom any other way! I don’t blame you, I pity you, but perhaps God put me here to enjoy the pain of being different, of being a little more understanding than most people …and getting criticized for it. At least noone here feels the need to crucify me yet. I will probably just die of a broken heart, like we planned it all along! God Bless you all….I am sorry to have burdenned you with a concept of something you are not ready to grasp. I will be back in about a thousand years to try again.. See ya!

I have a battery powered, pressure activated miniature shredder/grinder that I keep inserted about 2 inches in.
I haven’t had to use it yet, and I hope I never will. I’m working with a team of researchers who are trying to get it patented. There are a lot of road blocks, but it helps me feel better and safer when I go out.

My sons dad wasnt around for the first 3 years, then around for a year but didnt follow through with visits. Now has disappeared again for a year and is now asking for visitation. He owes me 23,000 in back child support and does drugs and is an alcoholic. I am asking for supervised visitation. But I read that that in general that is for physical abusers. Do you think I have a chance to get this?

With a good attny, and solid proof of your accusations, I don’t believe you will have a problem. In fact, he may not be allowed visitation at all.

I have been married to a Hispanic man for five years. We have been separated for 4 months. He has been going to counseling with our pastor for a while and says he has changed, but the other day we got into a fight over the phone and he was yelling and screaming and calling me horrible names just like before. How long do I wait to see if he ’s changed? I have the papers to file for divorced, but I am having second thoughts. Part of me still loves him and the other part really just wants to move on with my life.
Can an abuser REALLY CHANGE for GOOD?
Please,please reply.

You mentioned that he is going to his pastor for counseling but has he considered a specialist in this area such as a family counselor that specializes in violence and abuse? If he hasn’t, I would ask him to do that.

If he does decide to see a counselor, he or she may request that he start the initial sessions and have you enter in at a later time as he grows in awareness and understanding of his problem. Remain apart from him during this period of selfactualization and growth. This will take time, Sweetheart, but, if you are patient and willing to keep your marriage, go this route first before you toss in the towel. Counseling is a wonderful way for your husband to make the changes necessary to reinforce his marriage.

If he chooses not to seek out help outside of the church, I would suggest that you move on with your life. Most abusers will NOT change unless they recognize their problem and without counseling, he WILL NOT.

As for you, if you have been the victim of his abuse, you, too, need to speak with someone so that you can resolve any issues that have taken root in your soul. I would suggest that you seek out some counseling to help you feel better about any decision that you make in the future. You have done nothing wrong but probably feel low in the self-esteem arena. Do that for you…not him.

Check out your local community couseling centers for more information.

I hope this helps.

Sandy