How do you respond to an abuser that has no remorse but still expects me to forgive.?
I know forgiveness is for myself to be free but the abuse is still continuing which keeps the pain fresh. I have distanced myself from the abuser but he is using any way possible to still cause me torment (although it’s not physical anymore) Sadly, he blames me for the abuse and although I can’t say I have forgiven him at this point I am willing in time. Anyone going through a similar experience?
Every abuser blames his/her victim. They are almost impossible to rehabilitate so don’t let anyone talk you into going back to him. Cut off his email access to you, get a private number or new cell phone and take our a restraining order. It wouldn’t work if you are with him but it will make him aware that you are serious.
Forgiveness is up to you and don’t blame yourself if you can’t for a long time. Time and distance may help but just pray for strength and forgiveness for your own sins. My son’s death was caused by a woman and after 12 years I haven’t forgiven her. Maybe someday. I forgave my father for some pretty horrible stuff, but that took time too.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Is it possible to cut off all contact? Forgiveness does not have to include a continued relationship.
References :
September 29th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Be patient and God will pay you all–
References :
September 29th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
I’d recommend praying the rosary regularly. It is God’s chosen means for obtaining the conversion of sinners. See the following promises.
The rosary is explained here:
http://www.sancta.org/rosary/how.html
The fifteen promises of Mary to Christians who recite the rosary:
1. Whoever shall faithfully serve me by the recitation of the Rosary shall receive signal graces.
2. I promise my special protection and the greatest graces to all those who shall recite the Rosary.
3. The Rosary shall be a powerful armor against Hell, it will destroy vice, decrease sin, and defeat heresies.
4. It will cause virtue and good works to flourish; it will obtain for souls the abundant mercy of God; it will withdraw the hearts of men from the love of the world and its vanities and will lift them to the desire of eternal things. Oh, that souls would sanctify themselves by this means.
5. The soul which recommends itself to me by the recitation of the Rosary, shall not perish.
6. Whoever shall recite the Rosary devoutly, applying himself to the consideration of its sacred mysteries, shall never be conquered by misfortune. God will not chastise him in His justice, he shall not perish by an unprovided death; if he be just, he shall remain in the grace of God and become worthy of eternal life.
7. Whoever shall have a true devotion for the Rosary shall not die without the Sacraments of the Church.
8. Those who are faithful to recite the Rosary shall have during their life and at their death the light of God and the plenitude of His graces; at the moment of death, they shall participate in the merits of the saints in Paradise.
9. I shall deliver from Purgatory those who have been devoted to the Rosary.
10. The faithful children of the Rosary shall merit a high degree of glory in Heaven.
11. You shall obtain all you ask of me by the recitation of the Rosary.
12. All those who propagate the Holy Rosary shall be aided by me in their necessities.
13. I have obtained from my Divine Son that all the advocates of the Rosary shall have for intercessors the entire Celestial Court during their life and at the hour of death.
14. All who recite the Rosary are my sons, and brothers of my only Son, Jesus Christ.
15. Devotion to my Rosary is a great sign of predestination.
God bless!
Dave
References :
September 29th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Forgiving and forgetting simultaneously is impossible. When you perform either action the other is sacrificed. By forgiving someone, you acknowledge what that person has done and as a result are not able to forget what has transpired. By forgetting there is no acknowledgment, and the relationship cannot be repaired. But just because you have forgiven that doesn’t mean your relationship with that person is restored(especially when that person refuses to acknowledge the wrong). There are consequences for every action, and in order to build a relationship truth and trust must be rebuilt. Because this man is still not holding himself accountable, I would recommend completely cutting him out of your life. Change your phone number, email, anything that can help limit his ability to contact you.
References :
Been there done that.
September 29th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
I know just what you mean….. But, it is NOT your job to make the abuser admit their own mistakes or to take responsibility for them… It is your job to let go and move on…. Forgive yourself first !! Give yourself permission to be angry, to deal with it, and to get them OUT of your life….. To forgive has NOTHING to do with contact with or of that person….. Get them OUT of your life first, then deal with the rest….. go in peace….. God bless
References :
September 29th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
it’s very hard to forgive, but as I’ve found out, God knows this and wants us to forgive for as long as it takes, I have been in your situation more than once
the abuser attempts to blame you for all, it isn’t right nor is it fair, but when we forgive, they get to deal with that and their "hidden" feelings, we have "closure" and if they never repent, vengance is His 
Let it go and Let God 
truly don’t put yourself in the lions den on purpose(my philosophy), you have a right not take his calls or visits, tell him in a kind fashion you’d prefer no more contact and you truly wish him the best….God Bless and Keep You
References :
not PeRfEcT/Just Forgiven
SDA
former cathaholic
September 29th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
He has his own relationship with God, obviously he’s not getting things right in some important ways.
Forgiving him will primarily release you. You won’t have bitterness against him – bitterness often causes diseases. Also unforgiveness in some way I don’t understand means that God can’t pour out His blessings on us so well. And it also allows Satan to have a foot into your life.
And God can punish the wicked. The passage saying "vengeance is mine says the Lord" and saying we shouldn’t take revenge, isn’t saying God won’t sometimes apply justice .. God can sometimes. Sometimes in Paul’s letters he expresses sentiments that particular bad-acting people who have caused him and the gospel a great deal of trouble will be punished .. so God might, although we are not supposed to seek it and want it, but forgive. But no-one really gets away with such deeds as they have to face God in judgement ultimately, although they seek forgiveness if wise.
References :
September 29th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Every abuser blames his/her victim. They are almost impossible to rehabilitate so don’t let anyone talk you into going back to him. Cut off his email access to you, get a private number or new cell phone and take our a restraining order. It wouldn’t work if you are with him but it will make him aware that you are serious.
Forgiveness is up to you and don’t blame yourself if you can’t for a long time. Time and distance may help but just pray for strength and forgiveness for your own sins. My son’s death was caused by a woman and after 12 years I haven’t forgiven her. Maybe someday. I forgave my father for some pretty horrible stuff, but that took time too.
References :