How do you cope with anger towards an abuser (dead or out of contact)?
I was abused by a step grandparent from a very young age (before I can remember) until his death when I was 13. I have been badly affected by this and other issues of familial neglect and have been having therapy for over 6 years. I am now 38.
I still feel really angry and upset with my abuser and feel like I have nowhere to take it as he died before I could expose him and make him accountable.
I would like to know how other people have coped with this?
Personally, I wrote down everything I was feeling, went to the sea on stormy days and screamed my lungs out, punched the h*ll out of pillows, took up a martial art and let myself just feel angry for a time.
Therapy will help, it takes different time for different people. Make sure not to turn the anger in on yourself as it is only more destructive. Easier said than done, I know.
Your feelings are totally normal, and it’s healthy to feel anger towards the abuser iv been told. My anger slowly subsided over time. It’s not away and I don’t expect these feelings ever totally subside.
be strong *hugs*
January 25th, 2010 at 10:06 am
He may be dead but you can still ruin his name. For example apparently the FBI have more info on Michael Jackson that could finally prove he is a child molester – this will ruin peoples opinion of him and I think that even after death it’s still significant.
So he died a coward and did not own up to what he did – he died a coward and will always be a coward. If he did not make amends for what he did then Im sure he is in hell paying the price.
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January 25th, 2010 at 10:39 am
Personally, I wrote down everything I was feeling, went to the sea on stormy days and screamed my lungs out, punched the h*ll out of pillows, took up a martial art and let myself just feel angry for a time.
Therapy will help, it takes different time for different people. Make sure not to turn the anger in on yourself as it is only more destructive. Easier said than done, I know.
Your feelings are totally normal, and it’s healthy to feel anger towards the abuser iv been told. My anger slowly subsided over time. It’s not away and I don’t expect these feelings ever totally subside.
be strong *hugs*
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January 25th, 2010 at 10:50 am
Everyone is different in that situation, the worst is getting the nerve to approach the abuser and give them a piece of your mind thinking that they will cry and apoligize, but more often than not, they don’t do that, which makes things worse because your feelings aren’t validated. Since they are dead, forgive yourself, you couldn’t help what happened, you didn’t know what was going on. Think of all the time you wasted running this through your head. Don’t let it define who you are, you are bigger and better than that
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January 25th, 2010 at 11:02 am
No matter how hard it is to FORGIVE that’s what you have to do… You have to FORGIVE that person and make yourself the better person… and as soon as you forgive, you will get past that anger. i know it is HARD TO DO…But Love and forgiveness conquers all
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January 25th, 2010 at 11:15 am
forgiveness? How can we learn to forgive and what is the process behind forgiveness?
Many of you are afraid to begin the process of forgiveness because your motives seem unclear, and then you feel that you are not really forgiving. Forgiveness is choosing to change a thought, belief and an emotion with respect to other people and situations. As everything in the Universe is energy, forgiveness is also a process of transforming energy. Forgiveness is a choice as is not forgiving. When there is someone in your life that you think you cannot forgive, then the energy of that person and situation remains within your aura. This means quite simply, that forgiveness is like any other process of self-healing. For forgiveness in itself is a process of untangling those parts of the mental and the emotional bodies that are tangled up in the denser energies that the situation with the other person carries. In addition to this, there are lines of energy that exists between you and every other person you have ever had an exchange with, no matter how trivial these exchanges may have seemed. In essence, your aura carries with it energetic memory and this is what triggers intuition, déjà vu and sometimes warning bells.
So when you find it impossible to forgive another, you remain energetically connected to that person. Therefore, you are allowing the pain, the abuse and the trauma to remain with you. This, my dears, is a choice. Forgiveness is not something that you can or cannot do. It is simply a matter of choosing to change your thoughts, beliefs and ideas about a given situation or person in your life.
Forgiveness is the most important aspect of your spiritual growth, and it is the forgiveness of the self that hands you the key to the light of your soul. When you go to see a healer, or doctor you are in essence taking part in the practice of self- forgiveness. This is so, because the active healing releases energies that had been solidified within your aura and the healing takes place based upon either a conscious or subconscious decision to forgive yourself or another.
All is energy in the Universe, so free yourself from the question of motivation when it comes to forgiveness. Many of you who have been on a path of spiritual growth for some time, see the benefits of bringing more light into your aura and don’t question your motives for working consciously on your aura as energy. So why question working on yet another aspect of the Universe that is also energy? It is your intention to live in more light that counts. The Guides and Spiritual Masters do not look at all the misconceptions of the personality; we experience the intent of the soul.
In essence beloved ones, by not forgiving another, or by not allowing their energy to leave you, you are allowing the pain and the abuse to continue. It is as simple as that. So the only decision that you have to make regarding forgiveness is this: Am I willing to let go of the pain and abuse, or will I allow this person or situation to persecute me for the rest of this life?
Additionally, the act of forgiveness also allows the other person to move on, be they still in your environment, another city or town, or even in another dimension. When you change the energy pattern that this person or event has stimulated you to create in your aura, then you also let go of this person on an energetic level. Until the moment you are able to forgive and release a person from guilt, or from the responsibility for your pain, this person remains energetically aligned with you at one or more levels. Forgiveness creates harmony in the Universe because you are handing the other person a passport to more freedom and joy. In doing so you are buying for yourself a first class ticket on a journey to paradise.
In essence, if you have been raped, physically or sexually abused, or verbally denigrated by a parent, teacher or other authority figure, you are still living as the raped, the abused and the denigrated by not forgiving and letting go of these people and situations. You can choose to live your life with another identity if you so wish. This is a choice.
Many of you believe that you have to in some way greet the person or meet them on a physical level in order to truly forgive them. This is not so. Their higher self also allows them to be in the situation where they become the abuser for the purpose of their own spiritual growth. Although it may be difficult for you to accept, your abuser truly does have a Higher Self and a Soul that loves you. This Higher Self is aware of your non-forgiveness and of your forgiveness. It will assist the personality to grow as a response to the energetic changes you will make in the process of forgiveness. So, although you may never see someone again, they will know on a deeper level that you have released them to grow and to move on. It is also true of those people in your life who you are yet to truly forgive, and who are no longer focused w
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January 25th, 2010 at 11:59 am
See a counsellor, you can say anything to them about how your feeling towards your abuser and they will keep it confidential, and help you find ways of moving on.
Maybe if you don’t want to talk to someone, try writing your feelings in a diary.
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