AbusersAnon.com – A help centre for domestic abusers

I was abused by a step grandparent from a very young age (before I can remember) until his death when I was 13. I have been badly affected by this and other issues of familial neglect and have been having therapy for over 6 years. I am now 38.

I still feel really angry and upset with my abuser and feel like I have nowhere to take it as he died before I could expose him and make him accountable.

I would like to know how other people have coped with this?

Personally, I wrote down everything I was feeling, went to the sea on stormy days and screamed my lungs out, punched the h*ll out of pillows, took up a martial art and let myself just feel angry for a time.

Therapy will help, it takes different time for different people. Make sure not to turn the anger in on yourself as it is only more destructive. Easier said than done, I know.

Your feelings are totally normal, and it’s healthy to feel anger towards the abuser iv been told. My anger slowly subsided over time. It’s not away and I don’t expect these feelings ever totally subside.

be strong *hugs*

What’s the psychological process. If my dad beat me up when I was a kid, then what happens to make me beat up my son while he’s a kid?

A child learns about life in his first few years. We learn our language, social cues, and many other things. A child whose father hits him will learn that hitting is the way to deal with problems, or to discipline, etc. It’s the "cycle of abuse" that’s talked about so often; a child being abused doesn’t have the option of knowing life outside of abuse, so he thinks it is a natural part of life.

Animal Cruelty is such a terrible thing, and I do at times feel the law doesnt really give much justice. What are your ideas?

I have a couple dogs that I found as strays and were abused, that if I could have 5 minutes with those f_ckers who had them before I found them, I would be the one in jail. They are great and loving animals that didn’t deserve the abuse they received. Just like people who abuse children, there is no place in the world for those people.

Sure you would say no, but what if that child abuser was abused when he was a child? If you were in that child abusers shoes holding his experiences would you have probably commited the same offenses as him?

being abused in the childhood life could cause 2 possibilities, they will become stronger (constructive) or weaker (destructive).

if i were a child abuse victim, i would choose the constructive overcome to my pain, and therefore i cut the domestic violance chain, instead of to spread this sickness.

i recommend you a good book to read, about a child abuse victim who could rise from the dark past.

Beating the Odds by Caesar Gonzales
http://openlibrary.org/b/OL8512119M/Beating_the_odds

This is a term psychologists and psychiatrists use and on the surface it is kind of obvious. I find I am at a loss to explain it clearly and simply to our classes.

Identification With The Abusers,

like in the case of Patty Hurst.

i think it’s called the stockholm syndrome.

A person who is injured in a car accident can sue the person (driver) responsible for the accident for lost wages, hospital bills, pain & suffering, ETC and this driver didn’t purposely break the road rules to cause such suffering. A victim of childhood molestation suffers their entire life due to one person selfishly and purposely putting their own sexual pleasure before the welfare of someone else. This act leaves the victim with a lifetime of psychological issues and typically tens of thousands of medical bills for medications and psychotherapy not to mention possible relationship trouble and eating disorders. So, can a victim of childhood sexual abuse sue their molesters, especially if the abuser admitted to the crime?

Yes, often they can, and it happens frequently. They can even do it when the person was never convicted of a crime related to the abuse. Sometimes they can also sue a third party that had a duty to protect them and failed. However, there are still a few states that won’t let people sue under tort for psychological damage and related costs unless there is also physical injury…those sorts of laws are going away, though.

Can we anyone of to use different terms have mention about from other people by race, which as use the terms into have threaten, abuse, verbal aggression or ask people to killing themselves over etc in the chat forum at Yahoo in Hong Kong?? If someone is victim by there and what should she/he do?? How can she/he going to appealing court file from the abuser??

Yep. That’s right.

I think the word starts with an H, if im not mistaken. and I would really appreciate it if people put real answers down instead of "stupid" or idiot" or something immature like that.

I don’t actually think that there is a term in common usage.
Doctor David Skuse writing in the British Medical Journal states that more research needs to be done on the psychological reasons governing such behavior before the correct label can be given.

I am 36 years old and my mother is 100% addicted meth- amphetamines. My whole life I have never seen her without being on some kind of drug. Now that she is 50+ years old she has lost what little mind that she had. She is paranoid, delusional, massively depressed and violent. She refuses to get any help because she thinks everyone is trying to rape and kill her. I want to help her but I cant. I don’t have the money to get her any real treatment not to mention she has already said that she would just check herself out in 3 days. Do I just walk away and let her die? I know that I cant be around her anymore because I have a problem with depression myself. Any ideas???

First things first … she has to stop using and then some of the other symptoms can be addressed. There should be programs in her area that are paid for by the county or at minimum are based on her income that she can go to. If she’s been using for that long the only programs that will have any chance at all are residential substance abuse treatment facilities. There should be some in her community. If she’s been using for that long she may now have meth induced mental health issues which means she’ll need a dual diagnosis program and that too should be on a residential basis.
But, all of this means nothing if she doesn’t want help. You can use this link to find treatment anywhere in the U.S.:
http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov
Contact that show on A&E called "Intervention" maybe they can help? They seem to do well getting people in to treatment.
As for yourself find a meeting of ALANON in your area better yet would be NARCANON but any support group for family members would be helpful to you.
I wish you much luck.

How long does it take for YA to act on dozens of very serious continued complaints about one abuser, a minor YA user impersonating another YA member and making libelous allegations of illegal sexual acts against an adult YA member. How many complaints do think will have to be tendered before YA acts? 10? 20? 30? more? (YA’s correcting it is simple, unplug the connection at the computer)

Yahoo doesn’t do much about trolls. They always come back with new accounts.