Why do abused women allow the abuse to continue, and make excuses for the abuser?
I am just trying to convince a friend to get out of an abusive relatonship.
Abuse is a complex mental disorder. I struggle with it too. I am on my way out of my second abusive relationship. The intensity is part of the problem. It fluctuates between intensly loving and violent and abusive. The intensity is what keeps us there. I believe that I am running away from my soul mate. I believe that I am being too judgemental and not allowing him the opportunity to make mistakes. I blame myself for the abuse. If I was more emotionally available, neater, had more money, complained less, etc; I always believe that I can do something to change his behavior. It is an illness. At this point I am almost disabled. It has been years since I have been allowed to make even the smallest of decisions. I almost don’t know how now. I am scared to death to make a wrong decision. My self esteem and confidence have been bashed so low, for so long………I actually believe I am just a nuisance. I am lucky. My mother is a nurse and has helped me to see what is going on. I am planning a secret escape, but it has been years. I didn’t see it, I didn’t believe it, I just wasn’t ready.
My mother handed me a list of symptoms of an emotionally abusive relationship. I highlighted all the ones I could relate to….27 out of 30. It was a real eye opener.
You will never convince her until she is ready to see it herself. Stand your ground, educate her, and stand by her. Don’t be threatening or controlling, that is what she needs to get away from. Just make sure she knows that you will help her get out when SHE is ready.
November 5th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Because they are scared of the man, they are worried that when he gets out of jail he will come after them.
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November 5th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
They try to over compensate for what is happening. I noticed a friend of mine had an almost perfect house. It wasnt from her being abused if it wasnt perfect, it was from her hiding any hint something was wrong.
I think the big problem is where do they go if they leave especially with children. People tend to need something to go to rather than run from.
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November 5th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Most of the time, it’s because the abuser has made them feel that they are loved by them and the only reason they are doing it is because they love them. Other times is because the abused don’t feel that they can find love elsewhere and that when times are good they are really good, but when they are bad they are hit. So basically they try not to do anything wrong so that the person doesn’t leave them and so that they have someone to love them even if they beat/abuse them.
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been there and had that
November 5th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Abuse is a complex mental disorder. I struggle with it too. I am on my way out of my second abusive relationship. The intensity is part of the problem. It fluctuates between intensly loving and violent and abusive. The intensity is what keeps us there. I believe that I am running away from my soul mate. I believe that I am being too judgemental and not allowing him the opportunity to make mistakes. I blame myself for the abuse. If I was more emotionally available, neater, had more money, complained less, etc; I always believe that I can do something to change his behavior. It is an illness. At this point I am almost disabled. It has been years since I have been allowed to make even the smallest of decisions. I almost don’t know how now. I am scared to death to make a wrong decision. My self esteem and confidence have been bashed so low, for so long………I actually believe I am just a nuisance. I am lucky. My mother is a nurse and has helped me to see what is going on. I am planning a secret escape, but it has been years. I didn’t see it, I didn’t believe it, I just wasn’t ready.
My mother handed me a list of symptoms of an emotionally abusive relationship. I highlighted all the ones I could relate to….27 out of 30. It was a real eye opener.
You will never convince her until she is ready to see it herself. Stand your ground, educate her, and stand by her. Don’t be threatening or controlling, that is what she needs to get away from. Just make sure she knows that you will help her get out when SHE is ready.
References :
http://www.delmarpolice.com/index.cfm?ref=07110
November 5th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
the love we yearn originates from what kind of love we were given while growing up. they say that most battered women were once battered children. if being abused…is the kind of love they knew…it will be difficult for them to go out of an abusive relationship…
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