I know that alot of time the abused becomes the abuser, and i am afraid that i may follow in those footsteps?
I was sexually molested by my biological father, and i know that sometimes the abuser becomes the abused, and i am just afraid that i may follow those footsteps! I am just scraed to death. i am a 20 year old female, i have been in a serious with my current bf for 4 years, and i am kinda just scared to have kids. I mean i’ve got it coming at me from two sides, my genteics, and statistcs saying that abused sometimes becomes the abuser. I mean, if i hadn’t stopped him, i would have been raped, so i know i did good, and i would never want anyone to go through this……..i guess i am …well……this is just always in the back of my mind. u know? does anyone relate?
I’m sorry what has happened to you truly, but due to the fact that you were molested by your father does not mean you yourself will go ont to become an abuser….i have a close friend who was also abused by their father and what they did they turned this unfortunate incident around and used it to their own benefit they were determined that they would never follow in their father’s foot steps, and became stronger through it…even when we are born we are born as individuals we do not have to take on the traits of our parents because we come from them…..i don’t actually believe you will turn out like your father, because posting this question shows everyone that you are aware of the fact that you don’t want to go down that road, that message is so clear here….you have a good heart and that is so clear to see, and all credit to yourself for still remaining so level headed in all of this…see this as your time now, to work on yourself whether that be through counselling or some kind of talking therapy, but air your feelings to keep your awareness that what happened to you is plain wrong, and it shouldn’t happen to anyone. I wish you get all the help you can to help you to move forward in your life.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:49 am
Just because you are worried about it leads me to think that you will find a way not to follow in your biological father’s footsteps.
Maybe it would be a good idea for you to get couseling. It could at the very least put your mind at ease a little. Take care.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 10:03 am
If you find yourself attracted to people that are children then that may happen, if you are twenty and have not had the urge yet you will probably not abuse. The fact that you are aware and afraid is a good thing.
You may find yourself acting out in ways other than becoming an abuser.
You need to seek therapy for what you have been through because it will help you deal with your relationship other issues as a future parent.
I work on a childrens residential unit that specializes in sexual offenders, most people offend early if they are going to do it.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 10:25 am
I agree with the previous person. Although I don’t think you should automatically factor in genetics. Some things are not inheritable but learned or developed. I think you have learned all right, learned what NOT to do to kids. I think you will more than likely be a fantastic parent if you gave yourself a chance.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 10:55 am
I personally was raped by my stepfather, then an uncle, then two of my mothers boyfriends. Boy she really knew how to pick’em. But i cant tell you one thing. I have zero desire to touch my son in any way. Although i was abused in other ways and I fight daily the urge to yell instead of talk when he does something wrong. I find it hard not to jump right to corpral punishments when he is really awful. And if he does deserve a spanking I check myself everytime.
If this may be an issue for you, just ask yourself a few questions before doling out any punishment of a physical sort.
Am I really pissed or just upset?
Does he need to learn something and is this the only way?
What will be the point?
After that I usually resaort to one smart pop to get his attention ( bottom only) then on to a long drawn out discussion that bores him into unreal catatonia…which is motivation enough not to repeat offense.
Still have problems? Make the Dad do it…
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Personal Experience.