AbusersAnon.com – A help centre for domestic abusers

I originally posted this in the mental health category, but a few people sent emails saying it would receive more replies here in the religion category.

Do you feel it’s necessary to contact an abuser just to say you’ve forgiven them, or eventually resume association with them? If a Christian counselor or any counselor says you have NOT "really" forgiven if you’re unable to do these things, do you agree or disagree?

My spirit tells me reconcilation is not required for a Christian to forgive. What if the people you are forgiving(abuser or not) won’t admit what they’ve done to you? Wouldn’t that cause anger if you approached them to say "I forgive you"? Couldn’t it be dangerous depending on the situation?

I have forgiven past abusers, and pray for them, when I pray for myself. If I ran into them one day, and could not avoid interaction, I would not treat them unkindly or bring up the abuse. However, I do not want to voluntarily reconciliate with certain abusers. Any thoughts?
Also, there are certain people I’ve forgiven, that I would like to eventually reconciliate with. But those who are toxic, have not changed their abusivie ways, or worse, I have chosen not to contact. I also ended sessions with this therapist, and felt someone who shared a similar understanding of forgiveness would be best. What do you all think of this decision? Thank you.

You need to find yourself a new counselor. If contacting your abuser(s) could put you or your loved ones in harm’s way – that is terrible advice. You can forgive someone without having to tell them. That’s ludicrous! Please, find a new counselor.

Why should all men be tarred with the same brush… as rapists and abusers? Obviously I’m sure no feminist except for the most extreme of the extreme believes that all men are rapists and abusers, but doesn’t this kind of language nonetheless associate rape and abuse with men?

Well GIGI those figures are off, the idea that abuse is something that men generally do and that women generally do not has been generated by one sided studies and the destigmatising of victims of one gender only.

Domestic abuse at least 50/50 M/F- over 200 studies here
http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm

Child victims of sexual abuse with F perp reports up by 132% during 2004-5 (but still massively undereported and under investigated).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8347589.stm

Its already known that women are murdering and physically abusing children more often than men. So this whole stereotyping of one social group as abusers and another as victims for political gain racket is on its last legs.

I think the word starts with an H, if im not mistaken. and I would really appreciate it if people put real answers down instead of "stupid" or idiot" or something immature like that.

I don’t actually think that there is a term in common usage.
Doctor David Skuse writing in the British Medical Journal states that more research needs to be done on the psychological reasons governing such behavior before the correct label can be given.

There are shelters everywhere for women who have endured physical abuse. These women definitely need protection! But so do those who are emotionally abused. The abuser is frequently able to convince the abused woman to stay with him – simply by using the right tactics, such as making her feel like trash.

Where does a woman go who has been emotionally abused? The main thing is – where can that woman go to find people who will actually BELIEVE her, and understand the problem, and be able to help?

There are many resources available to women who endure emotional abuse, which can be as damaging or actually more damaging than physical abuse (not to say physical abuse is not as big an issue, I don’t want to give you that impression). Any domestic violence shelter or hotline should be able to give you references and/or help in handling emotional abuse. Since locations are not given where the help is needed, below are three references on line that can be used as guides. The last one will give state-by-state sources for help in the United States, if that’s where the problem is.

Best advice: If this is a repeated problem, and there’s no hope of it getting better, plans to get out of the situation are necessary. Do that. Good Luck.

Seriously, if we had a squad for lack of a better word that went around and targeted the really bad criminals and just took them out….gang bangers, rapist, child molesters, murders etc. The punishment for others like robbers would be to take all they possesed, for physical abusers like wife beaters…beat them up and so on and so forth…don’t you feel this would cut down significantly on crime? Just a thought….

Interesting…hell yeah I’d support it…We treat criminals WAY to good today. You can assault numerous people, murder people, rape children, and still be walking around free on the streets. It would be nice if justice were served on a more regular basis.

my mother is both physical and mental

Can you guys help me find primary sources?

and what would be a good counter argument?

please and thank you

I love this subject!

The answer is no, but there are so many cases when they do. i guess it depends on the environment of which the child grows up in and whether they can learn to understand what happened to them was wrong and not the norm.

Good luck with you research

I have heard drugs can get lodged in the intestines… What is the best cleansing enema for detoxing the intestines?

I have never heard that drugs can get lodged in your intestines but you may want to try a coffee enema as its supposed to cleans your liver. Maybe that is what you are thinking of.

If you or someone you know is a recovering alcoholic or drug abuser, I’d like to know what made you want to change your life. Was it an intervention, someone you know talking to you about it? Did you hit rock bottom? Did you just one day decide? I really want to help a family member with this problem and I’d like to understand the process. Right now, they have no desire to change.(or so it seems)

I’m a recovered alcoholic. I was never in denial about it, didn’t want to be an alcoholic, but it was the only thing that allowed me to live with my depression.

That nonsense about needing to "hit bottom" is just that, nonsense. That’s like something being in the last place you looked; of course it was, when you found it you quit looking. A person’s botton is wherever they were when they started going back up. I didn’t need to go as low as I did, and wouldn’t have if I had gotten the proper mental health help that I had been begging to get for years. And if I hadn’t gotten help when I did, I would have hit a lower bottom.

Over the years, I kept looking for help with depression, and I’d be sent to 12step groups with promises of mental health help at 3 months or 6 months, but I never get it and the depression was crippling. I’d become suicidal and return to drinking.

I couldn’t afford good help and for decades, I was too proud to go to Social Services. I finally did, then still had to fight tooth and nail to get the promised services, and once I did, drinking became a non-issue.

I now work in mental health and see this sort of thing often. According to NIMH, half of all alcoholics and up to 75% of all addicts have underlying an mental illness. Untreated, their chances of recovery are almost nil.

Registries of Child Abuse and Neglect are confidential. Only people who are charged criminally have their names open to the public.