AbusersAnon.com – A help centre for domestic abusers

Alright.. I have many good points on why Spousal Abuse is WRONG, you see but I’m not exactly sure how to create an outline. I was thinking that my introduction should be somewhere along the lines.. of maybe a flashback to a person’s wedding night, and how they thought it would be the begining of a Fairy Tale, but it turns out too be a nightmare.. How could I end that with a good topic statement? Also, I want some statistics, but would that work good on a chart that I could Make??

I want to have the types of Spousal Abuse, and the excuses the abuser uses to keep the Spouse at home.

Do you have any ideas at all????? Your help would be sooooo appreciated. =] Thanks!!!

As far as stats go you could possibly ask a local women’s shelter or even doctors or perhaps online. That me tell you as a victim of both physical, emotional & verbal abuse the abuse generally starts out small & gradually intesifies. My ex husband proclaimed to be a christian, but I knew he had a temper. It started out for the first 12 years of my marriage as nothing but emotional & verbal abuse. They do this by alot of control. After that point he started throwing things at me then went to pushing then into slapping, kicking, punching. My oldest son called the police on him & he was arrested and stopped the physical but the verbal abuse became so bad that it hurt worse then the physical. I do not now why my mind set & so many women in my shoes is to protect the man that is hurting them. However what keeps women with the men are many, 1st they cut you down so bad with words making you feel you can not do better then them, that are men are like this or better yet worse, everything becomese your fault, they tell you that you can not make it alone and no one wants a woman with kids. In my case it was also financial lawyers cost an arm & a leg for a divorce & with 3 kids 2 special needs I did not want to drag my kids to a shelter. I do not think the abuser uses excuses it is just the verbal abuse that makes you feel bad about yourself. It also does not just happen to lower income or less educated people. I have bachelors degree & was a cpa before I chose to stay home with my kids. I eventually got help from a neighbor who knew a lawyer. It was very rough no income for first several months, but 2 years later am very happy & doing well.
I hope this gives a little insight, because my story is like many others. Hope your paper goes well.

My girlfriend told me how she was emotionaly and physically abused by her mother as a child. She is still expected through family pressure and and wanting to protect her younger brother to come in regular contact with her mother and sometimes it turns rather mentaly and physically violent. So, I want to know the beest way to be supportive of her while coming in contact with the women that caused the women I love so much harm and pain?

Everybody here has written useful suggestions.
What I add is this: Your girlfriend was defenseless as a child.
With you and with friends far away from "home" she may be open, relaxed, fun loving and mature, but "home" again she may feel hurt and aggressive and she may feel and even act like the 10-years old he was once. She might "shrivel" psychologically. She may not act here real age.
If that is the case: remind here of that real age. Tell here something like: "You are free now, you are xx years old, you have me here to support you."
For lots of people under stress, who fall back to childhood patterns of feeling and behaviour it’s useful to be reminded or to remind themselves of their real age.
Love and accept her, even though she may act very nasty and "ungrateful" towards you there.

My girlfriend told me how she was emotionaly and physically abused by her mother as a child. She is still expected through family pressure and and wanting to protect her younger brother to come in regular contact with her mother and sometimes it turns rather mentaly and physically violent. So, I want to know the beest way to be supportive of her while coming in contact with the women that caused the women I love so much harm and pain?

Everybody here has written useful suggestions.
What I add is this: Your girlfriend was defenseless as a child.
With you and with friends far away from "home" she may be open, relaxed, fun loving and mature, but "home" again she may feel hurt and aggressive and she may feel and even act like the 10-years old he was once. She might "shrivel" psychologically. She may not act here real age.
If that is the case: remind here of that real age. Tell here something like: "You are free now, you are xx years old, you have me here to support you."
For lots of people under stress, who fall back to childhood patterns of feeling and behaviour it’s useful to be reminded or to remind themselves of their real age.
Love and accept her, even though she may act very nasty and "ungrateful" towards you there.

When a person dies of a drug overdose, does that person leave behind something that can tell the coroner he/she had a history of drug abuse? There will be substances left in the body of a dead drug abuser, but how can you differentiate that between one-time use and days, weeks, possibly months of use? Can coroners tell if a drug abuser used once or excessively over days, weeks, months, or possibly years?

Yes they can tell prolonged use by the way organs look, blood work and hair tests.

i think my son is using drugs ,but he keeps saying no ,but i found nail-varnish removal stuff in his room i am worried he is using that for sme kick

yes it’s possible to get a slight high off the fumes.
Talk to him and find out what he’s using it for.

I started drinking in college and soon mentally equated "drinking with fun". I never missed work, no DUI’s and never got abusive when I drank. I’ve been divorced three times, but I left them (though I know it seriously impacted my relationships). Last year I quit drinking for about 4 months, for health & weight reasons and to find a woman who I could build a new life with. I soon met someone on the internet. She had an alcoholic ex-husband, so she will not tolerate me getting drunk. Her definition of being drunk is more strick than mine. She does drink a small amount, but it’s not really that important to her. We talked about a "3 drink rule", but within a few weeks, I went a little too far (tho I didn’t think so). She says I can never be a "social drinker". I resent the fact that "I can’t have a drink". I’m a pretty strong person – I quit smoking by just quitting. Can I reprogram my brain to become a "social drinker". Can hynopsis help achieve this, or even quitting?

You sound like you’re rationalizing throughout your whole post. No, for you, you cannot be a social drinker.

I started drinking in college and soon mentally equated "drinking with fun". I never missed work, no DUI’s and never got abusive when I drank. I’ve been divorced three times, but I left them (though I know it seriously impacted my relationships). Last year I quit drinking for about 4 months, for health & weight reasons and to find a woman who I could build a new life with. I soon met someone on the internet. She had an alcoholic ex-husband, so she will not tolerate me getting drunk. Her definition of being drunk is more strick than mine. She does drink a small amount, but it’s not really that important to her. We talked about a "3 drink rule", but within a few weeks, I went a little too far (tho I didn’t think so). She says I can never be a "social drinker". I resent the fact that "I can’t have a drink". I’m a pretty strong person – I quit smoking by just quitting. Can I reprogram my brain to become a "social drinker". Can hynopsis help achieve this, or even quitting?

You sound like you’re rationalizing throughout your whole post. No, for you, you cannot be a social drinker.

having children and sterilised?
Child abusers IMO should be sterilised so they can’t attack (any more of) their own offspring the same way they attacked other children
Serial rapists and muderers should also be submitted to the death penalty

Seven: maybe that’s because a man has to have a computer, internet and a car to get on To Catch a Predator in the first place

Someone I know ran away from home because her parents beat her up. She doesn’t want to report it because she doesn’t want to hurt her parents. What would happen to her mother if she reports it?
She doesn’t want them to be prosecuted. She might not even come forward if that’s a possibility.

She’s been hurt–she has scars–but she still loves her mother.

Hopefully they are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!

I think my Dad is a pretty great one. He has always been supportive and loving and I am his stepdaughter technically, but he married my mom when I was 2 so he is the only Daddy in the world to me. He is a real man to me and I wish I could have found and married one like him. I married an emotional abuser at age 20 to which I am still married to 11 years later and in counseling.

Your dad sounds like a good example of what a man should be, not just for his wife but also his family and friends.
Getting married at 20 is very young and you’re most likely to be stuck to some one who you don’t really know that well. Your parents may or may not know what you’re going thru, but I would suggest having a heart to heart talk with them and tell them your experience so far, and look into getting a divorce. I am Catholic and don’t advocate divorce, but there are times when it is necessary for your own health and safety. It is not the easiest thing to do, emotionally and financially, but ask yourself if you want to spend another 11 years or more suffering more of the same that you have suffered over the last 11 years. I don’t think your husband will change any time soon as he has had 11 years to do it and no matter what he says during the counselling session, he will continue to be the way he is because he knows you will put up with the abuse. After all, if you have put up with it for the last 11 years, why would he need to change? He may even see it as your problem and not his.
Talk to your family if you are close to them, or a very close friend and ask them for their support if you do decide to divorce your husband. You will need them to keep motivating you and reminding you why you want to change your life. You are still young and have plenty of time to look for someone who will treat you with respect and love. Take your time to get back on your feet and learn to love and respect yourself again and you will see that others will also respect you.
It’s not an easy decision and the road ahead will be unknown and at times difficult, but if you have lived thru the last 11 years, you can live and rise above anything in the future. I wish you the best.