Can a not physical but mentally abusive person defy all odds and make a complete turn around in their attitudes for the better and stay better with a lot of determination? Is supporting them important?
Only if they want to. It can’t be forced upon them. But if they truly desire it and work at it, then yes they can change. And support is always important.
Specifically for a friend who has abusive parents who verbally abuse her and psychologically try to control her. I need a book to get her that explains all the actions of a manipulator/mental abuser or something along the lines so that she can see she what verbal and mental abuse really is. Please thank you.
I don’t know a book to recommend, but Joyce Meyer Battlefield of the Mind, Beauty for Ashes, Approval Addiction might help. I wonder if you could type narcissistic personality disorder into a search engine and get some information that might help her. Narcissistic personality disorder is 85% alcoholics and/or drug addicts, 15% they believe are children who were raised by alcoholics or drug addicts, or just simply put down by someone when they were small children. Someone hurt them when they were little and made them feel small, and that is why they do it to other people. They have to put others down in order to make themselves feel bigger. (Not that that is an excuse.) They think they are God like, Saints, with grand egos, I call them destroyers, they just destroy people. In their mind they are right and the world is all wrong, they don’t have a problem, you do. They put others down because they are bullies, and cowards. They put others down because they have no self esteem. If they are putting you down, and pointing out your flaws, no one is noticing their flaws. In their mind they think it is their job to put others down, it is their duty. They are social, and the rest of the world is anti social, they are perfect and you are the one who is flawed. They cannot and do not take responsibility for their actions and behaviors, so they will never say they are sorry, because in their mind they have done no wrong, they have done nothing to be sorry for. They can go to therapy for years and have no change in their behavior or actions, because in their mind they are saints, and perfect, so they have nothing to change about themselves. I am not really sure if they even comprehend how they hurt other people. The best thing to do is to stay away from these people if possible. They cannot change and they will just bring you down. My in laws are this way, so I know how you feel. After 20 years of abuse they are now banned from my house. While they had the benefit of putting us down and hurting our feelings, they did pay a price. They are now retired and none of their children, their spouses, even their grand children, none of us want to be around them. They enjoyed abusing us all those years, and now they spend their holidays alone. They do pay a price. Hurting people, hurt people. One thing that I have learned to do is to stop playing the blame game. If my husband goes berserk on me, instead of saying "What did I just say? What did I just do to cause that?" I stop and take myself out of the situation. I realize that his outburst was not about me, but he had talked to his father that day, or his brother pooped on him and he is taking it out on me. So I stopped taking the blame and shame and guilt for his behavior. If I did something wrong, then fine it is my bust, but if it isn’t about me, I stop taking on the poop that goes with the situation. You have to realize that when people are hurting, the "issue" is not the "real issue" You have to take yourself out of the picture and think "what is hurting this person today?" You learn this when you deal with customers, but it works in real life too. A customer can have a problem long before you meet them, and the slightest thing you say or do, causes an explosion. It isn’t about eggs, it is about a man who’s wife just died. It isn’t about a parking spot, it is about a woman who’s 4-year-old got killed by a drunk driver. It isn’t about your boyfriend, your mothers dog just died. Hurting people, hurt people. So maybe a person staying at a hotel complains about the noise in the room, but maybe the real problem is that they got a speeding ticket, someone cut them off on the highway, or maybe they are not staying in the hotel for recreation, maybe they came in for a funeral and they are stressed about that. So the ‘issue" of the noisy room, is not about a noisy room, but about the stress of a funeral.
I want to know if it is true that like if your parents are racist then you will be racist, if you are malested then you will become a malester. Is all of this true. what is this process called. Is it the family cycle?
my parents are very closed minded people when it comes to minority groups… i am in no way like that. when it comes to people that have been abused… i guess it’s possible.. but some people could have had a great childhood and still be abusers… a lot of different factors come into it…
Is the information you give just taken then filed away somewhere or does someone actually put some time into investigating it? If so, what exactly does that involve?
Serious answers are appreciated.
I would hope it’s taken seriously!! But that’s something you’ll never know, unless your the one abusing the system and get caught. Either way, if you know of someone abusing it, you need to report it.
It’s great they’re Christian now, but what’s with all the cocaine?
Hey just ask about former atheists who are now Christian. I always see one guy talking about his drug addiction.
they are substituting one mind alterating drug for another.
I am a person who thinks he is a borderline alcoholic and have learned of a product that I can take to make an abuser feel very ill if alcohol is introduced into the system. Does anyone know the name of the product and if I need a prescription. Thank you in advance
I was where you are about 4 years ago. It’s good that you are aware of the problem and are trying to do something about it. I’m not a big believer in drugs to cure a mental disorder (sorry, but drinking is a mental disorder), so I’m going to recommend something far more effective… mood therapy or cognitive therapy. Chances are, there’s a reason behind the drinking, and it will only get worse if the reason isn’t addressed. Once I mastered cognitive therapy, the desire to drink vanished. Get this book: "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns, MD. It can be a life saver… it definitely saved mine.
I am doing a project in English for Dante’s Inferno. We have to make our own level of hell, Im doing child abusers. I have the three inner circles emotional, physical, and sexual. I have punishments for the others but I cant think of a punishment that would fit child sexual abusers…? Any ideas.
Child molesters would be surrounded by all the children they abused, hear them crying in their head for eternity, seeing how they turned out to be and hearing the kids tell them how messed up their life was after their trauma. It would drive them crazy until they were wishing they could die, and they wouldn’t. It’s a form of torture of the mind..
My guy is so sweet when sober as soon as he has alcohol in him. He starts to bring up the past like my ex boyfriends which i had years before i ever met him. He calls me whore slut and tells me it’s my fault my daughter doesnt have a father. When he is sober he tells me that he wants to be my daughters father help i’m so confused!!! We are supposed to get married next week and i’m scared he will never change 
I hate to say this but I would leave him. There is no telling how violent he will get with your daughter. I would find someone better and sober than him. There are better fish in the sea. Good luck on your decision.
I was sexually molested by my biological father, and i know that sometimes the abuser becomes the abused, and i am just afraid that i may follow those footsteps! I am just scraed to death. i am a 20 year old female, i have been in a serious with my current bf for 4 years, and i am kinda just scared to have kids. I mean i’ve got it coming at me from two sides, my genteics, and statistcs saying that abused sometimes becomes the abuser. I mean, if i hadn’t stopped him, i would have been raped, so i know i did good, and i would never want anyone to go through this……..i guess i am …well……this is just always in the back of my mind. u know? does anyone relate?
I’m sorry what has happened to you truly, but due to the fact that you were molested by your father does not mean you yourself will go ont to become an abuser….i have a close friend who was also abused by their father and what they did they turned this unfortunate incident around and used it to their own benefit they were determined that they would never follow in their father’s foot steps, and became stronger through it…even when we are born we are born as individuals we do not have to take on the traits of our parents because we come from them…..i don’t actually believe you will turn out like your father, because posting this question shows everyone that you are aware of the fact that you don’t want to go down that road, that message is so clear here….you have a good heart and that is so clear to see, and all credit to yourself for still remaining so level headed in all of this…see this as your time now, to work on yourself whether that be through counselling or some kind of talking therapy, but air your feelings to keep your awareness that what happened to you is plain wrong, and it shouldn’t happen to anyone. I wish you get all the help you can to help you to move forward in your life.
Will a judge award alimony to a spouse that is a know drug abuser and someone who has been unemployed an entire marriage by falsely claiming disability, when the spouse was perfectly capable of being employed, but would rather abuse drugs?
well I guess alimony is for "spousal support" so I’m guessing, legally it’s their term of how the alimony is being used.