AbusersAnon.com – A help centre for domestic abusers

My very own brother always visits my house and my cat who likes everyone, is extremely terrified of him. I always didn’t understand until i found him strangling my cat against the floor. I was shocked! But overall, he is a great brother and i cannot keep him from visiting me. Will the cat ever forget or forgive him.

By the way he has promised not to do it anymore.
***This was not one time only, he has also thrown water at the cat and abused it 5-6 times.

I don’t think your cat will ever forget/forgive your brother. What he did to your cat is animal cruelty and it IS a crime. If I were in your shoes, I would not trust his promise, and I would always safely lock the cat up in a different room and never leave the key to that room where he could find it or get his hands on it. And if he’d abuse a cat you’d love, what do you think he is capable of around kids or anything else that frustrates him? Even if he’s your brother, why didn’t you report him? Everyone knows by now that abuse of humans begins with abuse of animals.

Thay cannot see past their own pain.

My boyfriend has all the signs of somebody who abuses alcohol. He drinks a minimum of at 2 beers a night (not that I have a problem with that – but he doesn’t go a night without drinking ANYTHING); drinks WHILE he drives; drinks a beer when he wakes up after a night of partying – and continues to drink during the day on the weekends…..and while I know he loves to party and so do I, it seems like he always has to have a drink because, as he puts it, "it helps him relax." When I say I don’t want to drink anything he pushes me to have at least one with him and bugs me even after I say no.

My question is:

1) How do I make him see that his drinking is a problem? Every time I try to say something about how he should cut down we get into a fight – he doesn’t think I should tell him "what to do."

2) Do I try to make things work if he doesn’t change? I love him and want the BEST for him – things are GREAT when he’s sober – but the constant drinking is something I have a hard time being around (especially since I’ve had my share of addiction problems in the past and have no desire to fall back into that lifestyle).

3) What would YOU do????

1) You don’t
2) No
3) Leave

This is a poll. I am doing an argumenative paper on this question so I need as many answers with opinions as possible. Pease just state how you feel and why……..without hate plese. I asked this before and some got off on a tangiant so lets try to avoid that please.

Mainly childcare providers who have been convicted of child abuse and babysitters that aren’t required to be licensed. If we made all people who have been convicted of abuse would that help protect our children?

That is tricky. If we knew who those people were then the common man/woman might want to hurt the abusers. On the other hand we the common man/woman would be able to monitor the abusers better. In another words, I wouldn’t allow my child to go to your daycare center knowing your history. Ultimately, I think there should be some national registry.

Yes, however, not usually with the same partner whom they abused. Generally if you are with an abuser, you create what is typically called a co-dependent relationship where each person unknowingly is drawn to and enables the other. It’s like marrying someone who loves twinkies, and two years after marrying them, you discover you’ve gained 70 pounds! The relationship tends to support these ill behaviors and will naturally resist change. This is why when teens go off for "treatment" they often fail when they come home because their ill behaviors gave the family someone to blame problems on. Once we, as individual people experience change, especially positive change, it is often difficult for those around us to support them and accept them, especially when they have their own issues to develop through. And this is what I hear in your case. The fact that you have stayed with an abuser for a long enough time that you are considering sticking with him through the therapeutic and healthy process of change, says that you have some issues of your own that may need to be explored. For example, if he was abusive to you how were you able to allow someone to treat you like that for so long without leaving, retaliating or standing up for yourself? Perhaps you have some hard questions to ask of yourself, just like he has to ask of himself. Another suggestion might be to remain friends who support each other’s personal growth, and if in the future, the health and positive change in you both is able to support and nurture a healthy relationship, then consider rejoining in a closer or more intimate relationship. I strongly believe that it takes a really special person to be able to deal with person issues and also maintain a healthy and stable relationship at the same time. Sometimes you need to take a break from providing for someone else, and use the time to focus your energy on yourself, so that you can be better.

1. jail
2. tied up and thrown into a lions den
3. tied up and thrown in a wolfs den
4. live in a house and let the residence do exactly what they did to the pets.

1. Not jail because taxpayers will have to pay for this.

2. Not tied up and thrown into a lion’s den, because if you teach a pride of lions that it’s okay to eat humans, they’ll do it more often and be hunted and killed because of it. So that’s bad for them.

3.Same for the wolves.

4.That doesn’t really solve anything.

My solution is that they are forced to do 1000 hours of community service working at pounds, animal rehabilitation centers and helping veteranarians with all the ‘dirty work’. Their punishment is helping the animals they treated so cruelly. Maybe they’d gain some empathy for the animals. And also it would make them miserable and the animals would benefit from it.

there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of physical abuse… example a good spanking, pulling there arm or a tap on the back of there head…. Im born and raised European…. and the kids that grow up turn out much much MUCH better then the kids who got sent to there room or get grounded for a week… and the kids turn out to be abusers also is because they no it works in the long run

did you learn from how you felt as a child or find as statistics say that you became an abuser also? I do not understand how anyone who was abused as a child would grow up to abuse their own. you better than anyone knows how it feels. This is your opportunity to stop a vicious cycle that seems to continue for generations
Bluke I am sorry if this offends you but you know what child abuse needs to never be hidden. it went on for so many years and there was no help because the subject was Taboo. the more it is talked about the better all children will be. child abuse has a life long lasting affect. The only way you can begin to get over it is not by masking the pain of it with drugs, alcohol, sex, abusing someone yourself, or abusing yourself in any manner. take care
it is good Bluejay that you are learning and hon trust me I know how hard it is. I did not fully recover until I was 40 . It is good you have your dad.
Faded Fae: I am sure they know and love you. I too made many mistakes as a parent because I was not taught how a parent should be. all I knew was I did not want mine to feel as I did and they knew and still know that I love them and am always here for them.It is never too late to ask them and if you have never talked about the mistakes you feel you may have made it can’t hurt. my youngest daughter just had her 1st child 3 months ago. she wrote in my mothers day card she only hopes her son has as much love and respect for her as she has for me. that made me feel awesome as even though by the time I had her I had it down pat I still made mistakes as parents will.

Yeah, I was. The mental abuse was worse than the physical.

I haven’t had any kids and I never will, so I don’t know how I would be with them.

Cycle ends with me.

Preferably in Victoria, though not necessary. Also, if you know, how has this changed in the last 10 years?

it would depend on what types of offense your talking about. you can have sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse. Each type would carry a different sentence.

I was wondering why a lot of people go "oh theres a mad junkie! stay away from him/her they have rabies, crabs, syphilis, hepatitis, and probably something else all in the one."

I’ve noticed also that drug abusers also have a certain look about them which identifies them as being an abuser of drugs. I’m just wondering as to why people absolutely hate people who do this more than most. Personally I don’t go near drugs because i get intimidated by drug abusers and the consequences drugs leads people into – but I think a wrong choice should not be anymore worse than a wrong choice we make.

These people probably suffered in a bad family, possibly sexually abused, theres many psychological reasons for people going towards the route of drugs, and ironically the people taking the drugs don’t even know it yet usually… so back to the main question, why is it people highlight "oh your a pure junkie!" people even from working classes, upper classes sometimes and weirdly enough lower classes too!!! why is it we intensify their wrongdoing because lets be honest we all make mistakes so why should theres be highlighted way more?

this is actually for a sociology/psychology report at the university of Glasgow if you’s must know lol – but yahoo awnsers is amazing for tonnes of opinions on topics such as this! thank you everybody hope you’s give me toneeeees of anwsers =]]

I don’t think that its completely true. People might hate murderers, rapists or child molesters more. They might have racial or religious prejudices that are very strong.

People may feel threatened by drug users, alcoholics or people with mental illness, because they find them unpredictable, and they are afraid of getting out of their depth socially.

Sometimes it might be that they do not like to be reminded how fragile is their own position in society.

There are many drug users who cannot be recognised as such. Only those who have completely lost control of their lives and can no longer function in "normal" society can be recognised immediately.

Some people are rejecting of any difference or variation among people. That’s what we call intolerance. It solves nothing, in fact it makes problems worse.